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ACT II

(Ops. O'BRIEN, DAX and KIRA are standing around that round thing on the floor conferring. Kira is clearly skeptical.)

DAX: Come on! It'll be your way of participating in the Songfest without having to deal with the Kai.

KIRA: But I don't like either of them.

O'BRIEN: All the more reason to keep them occupied with each other. They won't have time to pester us.

KIRA: Are you sure this'll even work? I thought humans didn't do heldek stor.

O'BRIEN: Heldek--

DAX: The closest expression you have is "same-sex love."

KIRA: I've never seen two human males even hold hands.

O'BRIEN: Ah, it's as common on Earth as it is on Bajor.

KIRA: Really.

O'BRIEN: Oh, yeah. It's just that for centuries--er--heldek stor was illegal in most military organizations.

KIRA: Illegal? What for?

O'BRIEN: (Shrugs) I couldn't tell you. That was all back in the dark ages. It hasn't been so since the 22nd century but there's still a lot of
resentment on both sides. So they tend to go into more friendly organizations like the priesthood.

DAX: The priesthood!

O'BRIEN: Oh sure. Clement XXV made it a job requirement at Vatican VI. (KIRA stares) Well, it was either that or let them get married.

KIRA: Your homeworld is a very strange place, Chief. (SISKO enters from his office)

SISKO: Major.

KIRA: Coming. (She follows him toward the turbolift.)

DAX: So you'll help.

KIRA: All right all right all right.

(Cut to a greeting area outside one of the airlocks. BASHIR is already pacing back and forth. At intervals groups of festively attired aliens
arriving for the Songfest come down the ramp carrying bizarre musical instruments. KIRA and SISKO enter)

BASHIR: Commander! I--I appreciate your coming, but it isn't necessary on my account.

SISKO: It's not on your account. The Federation has been looking for a chance to reestablish ties with the Phrenellians, and I aim to give it to them.

BASHIR: Yes, well, there are a few things you should know--

SISKO: I'm not to make eye contact with her or address her directly, I know that.

BASHIR: And don't refer to her being there until they have. She's supposed to be invisible to you.

KIRA: What about me?

BASHIR: You don't have to worry, only--

KIRA: Only what?

BASHIR: Don't be offended if-- (Phrenellian delegation appears. KIRA and SISKO stand to greet them. D'JONN and CHAULID walk together, followed by TL'OANE and REOH. REOH looks down at her feet and stands behind  TL'OANE. Other Phrenellians stand behind them, including the PRIEST who will be celebrating the wedding. TL'OANE spots BASHIR and runs to embrace him)

TL'OANE: Brother! It has been too long.

BASHIR: Far too long. Why don't you ever communicate? I've missed you.

TL'OANE: Forgive me, my responsibilities--

D'JONN: (rudely) Who is master of this house?

SISKO: I am Commander Sisko of the Federation starbase Deep Space Nine. I am master of this house and I offer it to you. May it hold everything you seek.

D'JONN: May the winds return to you twice what you give us. I am D'Jonn of Garano; this is my brother Chaulid. (CHAULID nods. So far none of them have appeared to notice KIRA, who is beginning to resent this.) We travel with Tl'Oane of Missna.

SISKO: (to Tl'Oane) You are welcome.

TL'OANE: I hope to repay you for your hospitality. (KIRA clears her throat)

SISKO: May I present Major Kira Nerys, Pillar of this House. (D'JONN barely glances at her and nods; TL'OANE shakes her hand)

TL'OANE: It is an honor to meet you. Julian has told me so much about you.

KIRA: Has he. (SISKO nudges her) I mean, the honor is mine. You are all (glaring at D'JONN) welcome to our house.

SISKO: Please, you must be tired after your journey. Allow me to show you to your quarters.

D'JONN: You are a good host. 

(He and SISKO leave. CHAULID, following them out, glances at REOH, who raises her eyes. The rest of the Phrenellians,
except for Tl'Oane and Reoh, drift off. He smiles and runs after the others. KIRA exhales to release the pent-up aggravation)

BASHIR: Reoh? (Reoh smiles and embraces him) I can't believe it! Time's certainly treated you better than it has me.

REOH: (scrutinizing him) You know, you're right. (KIRA laughs) Well, it's impolite to disagree with one's host.

BASHIR: I'm not your host, I'm your brother. Of course that never stopped you before. Reoh, this is Major Kira. (REOH gives her a large, enthusiastic hug, which makes her clearly uncomfortable.)

REOH: I've so looked forward to meeting you! Julian has told me all about you and the Bajoran resistance. You have been such an inspiration to us.

KIRA: Us?

REOH: My cohort in the Women's Defense League.

KIRA: Has there been an invasion?

TL'OANE: Not recently. Nor will there be, if I have anything to do with it. Reevaluating the Cardassian threat is one of the first things I have planned after my ascension.

BASHIR: Ascension! Tl'Oane! Reoh never told me you'd been chosen!

TL'OANE: The elders still have to make the final cast, but I'm preparing an agenda anyway, on the off chance.

BASHIR: Congratulations. (They begin walking down the corridor) Reoh, it's wonderful to see you both, but I must say I was a little surprised that you wanted to have the wedding here.

REOH: It was D'Jonn's idea. He convinced Tl'Oane that this would help him get back on the Federation's good side.

TL'OANE: I'm afraid I'm turning Reoh's wedding into a diplomatic mission. We want to show that traditional Phrenellian culture can be compatible with Federation values. So we'd like as many of your colleagues as are interested to attend the wedding. You don't mind a larger crowd, do you, Reoh?

REOH: Not if you keep all your ascension promises.

TL'OANE: Reoh is anxious for me to do something about the rules of decorum.

KIRA: You mean this ridiculous stuff about who can speak to who.

REOH: Oh, the rules for public meeting are just the tip of the iceberg. (They pause outside the guest quarters)

KIRA: These are your quarters. Your fiance and his obnoxious brother are just down the corridor.

REOH: Oh dear. Would it be possible to get quarters further away?

KIRA: You want to be farther away from your fiance.

Tl'OANE: It's not good form to have them within walking distance. Usually they stay on different islands until the ceremony.

KIRA: Unfortunately with the Cardassians coming and the traffic from the Songfest I don't think we've got any quarters that aren't already assigned.

TL'OANE: Of course, on such short notice that's understandable. I should have asked in advance--

BASHIR: She can stay with me, can't she?

Tl'OANE: Brother, you know I trust you, but to D'Jonn and Chaulid you're still a stranger. D'Jonn is very anxious that all the rules be observed
exactly. The people will be watching us very closely and there mustn't be even the appearance of impropriety, especially in front of strangers.

KIRA: What about my quarters? She's allowed contact with other women, isn't she?

REOH: Would you really do that for me?

KIRA: Any enemy of the Cardassians is a friend of mine. I'll show you where they are. (She and REOH move off, REOH looking down at her feet again) How can you see where you're going?

REOH: Years of practice.

(Our scene shifts to Quark's. Groups of tourists are mingling in the bar and around the dabo tables. Several Cardassians enter, look around
abashedly, and eventually sit in a table in a corner. They take out PADDs and begin punching at them assiduously. QUARK attempts to strike up a conversation with one of them; he is foiled by their collective shyness and eventually withdraws to behind the bar, where upon looking across it he encounters ODO glaring at him.)

QUARK: What can I get you, Constable?

ODO: Nothing. I'm here to do you a favor. It's a piece of advice: Leave the Cardassians alone.

QUARK: I wouldn't dream of disturbing them.

ODO: I know they're easy marks, but they haven't got anything to steal.

QUARK: What makes you think I--

ODO: You may have heard stories about Cardassian research grants but these are historians, Quark. They're in the humanities.

QUARK: (visibly disappointed) Oh.

ODO: Don't get depressed; you've still got the songfest traffic.

QUARK: True enough.

ODO: I'll be watching you, Quark.

QUARK: So what else is new.

ODO: I mean closer than usual. No auspicious activity will go uninvestigated.

QUARK: Come again?

ODO: I mean it, Quark. Whatever previous schemes you have planned, I advise you to postpone them, because the instant you put one in motion I'll be down on you like a ton of chicks.

QUARK: Don't you mean a flock?

ODO: A flock of bricks? That's bizarre even for an idiom.

QUARK: You said chicks.

ODO: Don't be mellifluous.

QUARK: Constable, I think you've been working too hard. Why don't you take the week off? (ODO growls and stalks off, passing OPHIDIA, a red-haired woman in a plaid sheath dress carrying a large wicker basket and looking around tentatively. She spots DAX at a table absorbed in a PADD and a cup of coffee.)

OPHIDIA: Excuse me, miss, do you work here? (DAX looks up)

DAX: Phidder! (OPHIDIA sits) I didn't know you were coming!

OPHIDIA: I've always wanted to play the Songfest. This year I finally worked my way around to this part of the quadrant. You're looking well.
How'd you get this host?

DAX: Karma, I guess. It's great to see you! Lemme get you something from the bar. (KIRA passes, glaring at the Cardassians in the corner) Kira! (DAX gets up) Kira, I want you to meet a good friend of mine from the Caledonian system. Hand on, I'll be back in a minute. (Heads for the bar. Kira sits down.)

KIRA: I'm sorry, I didn't get your name.

OPHIDIA: That's all right. Everyone calls me Phidder.

KIRA: What brings you here all the way from Caledonia?

OPHIDIA: Well, I'm what you call an author surrogate. I'm here to help with the plot, get the story moving faster, offer ironic metatextual commentary, that kind of thing.

KIRA: (clearly not comprehending) Excuse me?

OPHIDIA: (sighs) My name's Ophidia; I'm a Caledonian snake singer and I'm here for the Greenwood Songfest. (DAX returns)

DAX: Listen, Phidder, since you're here, can I interest you in a little escapade we have planned?

OPHIDIA: Oh but of course, that's what I'm here--(a plaid snake pokes its head out of the basket) Get back in there, Tartan! Sorry. Let's hear about this jape. (Camera pans to the bar, where QUARK is tidying up. JILIAM, one of the Cardassian professors, leaves the table and approaches him.)

QUARK: How can I help you?

JILIAM: Well, that depends. (Adjusts his vest so that QUARK can see latinum glinting from an inside pocket, then covers it again)

QUARK: Perhaps you'd like to see one of our private dining rooms.

JILIAM: That sounds ideal. (Meaningful glances exchanged.)

(Our scene shifts to the Promenade, where ODO is instructing the portion of his staff that does not have the week off.)

ODO: Remember, along with the Songfest traffic we have the Cardassian academic exchange members and the Phrenellian state wedding. The 
Cardassians are liable to cause a certain amount of unrest but I'm sure you will be able to swindle them. (Staff looks slightly perturbed. ODO notices but continues.) Pickpocketing and other petty thievery will be a problem in large groups, so keep parties of five or more under intense mutiny. (More consternation. Beginning to get frustrated) And, of course, I want a round the clock watch on everyone involved with Fork's. (One staff member timidly raises a hand) Yes, Fencing Jora?

ENSIGN JORA: Do you want us to guard the spoons and knives as well? (Staff members prevent themselves with difficulty from cracking up)

ODO: What's the matter, ensign, are you having trouble underhanding my quarters? (This proves too much and the entire staff bursts out laughing.) That's enough! Presume your nations! (Nobody moves; they look at each other confusedly. ODO shouts, slowly and with furious concentration:) GO...DO...YOUR...JOBS!!!

STAFF: Aye, sir. (They scatter. ODO heads for sickbay.)

*End act two*