In the darkness of space both the cloaked Deafiant and the cloaked runabout
passed each other un-noticed, heading with futility in opposite directions.

Captain Bashir watched Dr. Bashir and Garak intently. They were arguing in
increasing venom over a book by Herman Melville.

"I see Captain Ahab's pursuit as a noble one,"Garak was saying, "he lets
nothing stand in the way of his goal. Granted, I have a great amount of
difficulty in his choice of passion. Pursuing an animal to its death is
hardly a great achievement."

"The whale represented more than an animal, Garak."Dr. Bashir replied
tersely, "He's a representation of demonic possession."

"So, tell me,"Captain Bashir interrupted them, " How long have the two of
you been sleeping together?"

The argument abruptly stopped, and both Dr. Bashir and Garak stared at him
with incredulation.

"We are not sleeping together."Dr. Bashir adamantly made clear.

"No, definitely not."Garak echoed in sentiment.

"Really?"Captain Bashir replied, "My apologies then."

Dr. Bashir cleared his throat, "What would make you think that we were?"

"I thought I caught some signals."Captain Bashir brushed the earlier
comments aside.

"From who?"Garak asked, a ring of nervousness catching in his voice as he
glanced at Dr. Bashir.

"From both of you, of course."Captain Bashir yawned, "But, I guess I was
wrong."He returned to analyzing the data on his console, at least in
appearance. Out of the corner of his eye he could see both Dr. Bashir and
Garak suddenly move to a further end of the bridge and begin talking in low,
private whisperings. He had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing out
loud.
 
 
 
 

"We're at the Dominion border sir!"Nog exclaimed, practically jumping from
his post.

"Nog,"Captain Bashir said to him patiently, "have you ever considered taking
the Ritalin Dr. Garak prescribed for you?"

"They make me drowsy sir!"Nog exclaimed. He fidgeted so much in his seat,
Dr. Bashir feared that he was going to start doing jumping jacks.

"In ten minutes we'll be approaching Cardassia Prime, Captain."Father
O'Brien said.

"Very well, Father, you have the bridge. Remember, I'm not back in exactly
fifteen minutes and you come looking for me, understood?"

"Perfectly sir!"Nog shouted.

"Good. Garak, "he grabbed the Cardassian by the arm and dragged him off the
bridge, "you're coming with me." Dr. Bashir made a move to protest, but he
was stopped by a phaser wielding priest.

"I think I'm reflecting everyone's sentiments when I say 'God be with you'
sir, " the priest said to Captain Bashir. "We're all very fond of Dr.
Garak." He added, and a respectful, anxious silence radiated from the crew
in agreement.

"I'm going to get him back."Captain Bashir asserted angrily. "You'd think by
now you would have learned not to doubt me."

***

Ensign Kira moped around the DS9 cargo bay, poking absently at the various
crates. She loved the cargo bay, its hanging wires and unfinished appearance
reminded her of Seven. She sighed, sadly, every blinking light on every
console reminded her of her lost love.

She slouched to the floor in a pout on the cargo bay's floor, memories of
Seven taking over her every thought. Seven walking briskly ahead of her,
Seven ducking behind a corner, Seven acting flustered whenever Kira was near
and asking others to 'take care of her'. Seven had been a remarkably fast
eater, too, Ensign Kira recalled, for every time she had met her in the mess
hall she was always just finishing her meal and leaving.

I bet she would've liked those brownies, Ensign Kira sighed.

Beside her, the shipping panel blinked in varying lights. It was so
fascinating to watch the various colors kaleidoscope in rhythm. She wondered
absently if any of Seven's components, hidden beneath her revealing uniform,
had any little fascinating lights. Before she could stop herself, Ensign
Kira began pressing buttons, lost in thoughts of her dear Borg friend.
 
 
 
 

"We'll beam in using the shipping codes,"Dukat was explaining to Elim as
they approached DS9, "I won't be detected that way."

"You understand,"Elim said, "that I will be forced to tell the authorities
that you are planning on kidnaping my counterpart."

"I'm not going to do any such thing,"Dukat replied, as sincerely as the lie
would allow, "I'm merely going to drop you off and return to my space. I do
not wish to cause any more trouble than that which has already happened."

"Legate Dukat,"Elim said evenly, "I did not spend the last five years
married to Captain Bashir spending my time in abject innocence. I know for a
fact that you are planning on either stealing my counterpart or using me as
a hostage, whichever works out best."Elim straightened out his uniform,
"It's what my husband would do, if he were in the same circumstance."

"Clever man."Dukat dead panned, "Only how do you think he'll handle your
becoming a hostage in exchange for your counterpart's life?"

"He would have tossed 'your' Garak to you in less than a heartbeat,"Elim
replied. "Unfortunately, however, that isn't going to happen."

"Why?"Dukat asked, bemused, "Are you going to stop me?"

"No. Because Captain Bashir and the Deafiant aren't there to claim me,"Elim
explained. "If I know Julian, and trust me I do, he's no doubt already at
Cardassia Prime to facilitate my rescue."

Dukat laughed openly at this. "Please, he wouldn't dare take on the entirety
of the Dominion, that's suicide."

"Oh, yes, he would,"Elim said, his voice heavy with conviction, "and he'll
win, no doubt about it. He's done this sort of thing before, you know."

Dukat's mirth faltered somewhat.

"Since you've been so nice to me during this trip, I won't tell him that you
struck me,"Elim said to Dukat in the purest sincerity, "I'd hate to see you
get hurt."

"Let's just beam into the cargo bay, shall we?"Dukat replied, pushing aside
the feeling of dread that raised the scales on his back a tiny fraction.
 
 
 
 
 
 

Dr. Garak materialized in the cargo bay of DS9. Alone. He carefully scanned
the rows and rows of crates and other debris looking for Legate Dukat, but
could find no trace of him. This was definitely not part of Dukat's plan.

The sound of gentle weeping caused him to look towards the center of the
hold where a medium sized console used for transporting shipments was
located. As he approached he made out the form of a teary Ensign Kira.

"Oh, hi Elim,"she struggled to smile through her sobs.

"Kira? What's wrong, why are you crying?"Dr. Garak put a gentle hand on her
slim shoulder.

"I miss Seven!"she suddenly wailed loudly. She buried her face in Dr.
Garak's sleeve, leaving snot marks on him as she wept. She swallowed back
her tears momentarily, wiping her nose with the back of her hand. "I thought
you were kidnapped."she said to Elim, "Captain Bashir and the rest of crew
have gone looking for you. He told me to stay here and tell Captain Sisko
that they were undocking to do routine function checks."

Function checks? That's a new one, Elim thought. At least it sounds better
than 'running specs' "I was, but Dukat brought me back." Elim scanned the
cargo bay once more. "He was supposed to show up here with me--I believe he
wanted to use me as a hostage." He helped Ensign Kira to her feet, noticing
as he did so the fried remains of a console.

"Kira,"he admonished, "what have we told you about not touching the blinking
lights.."

"I know, I know,"she said, resignedly, "I couldn't help it."

"Hmm, "Dr. Garak looked down at the console's latest records, "it appears
that Legate Dukat has been Kirafied, I'm afraid. I think your fiddling
bumped his signal into space."

"Oh no,"Kira said, and grimaced, "are you mad?"

"Actually, no, it solves a little problem I had."Elim chewed his thumbnail
pensively, "Poor man, I actually rather liked him. He seemed to be
expressing a genuine interest in Catholicism, and I had promised to get him
into a meeting with Father O'Brien." Elim sighed, Dukat had made some
disturbing conversation concerning Wraiths and he figured the man might be
in need of an exorcism. Lord knew, they'd seen enough evidence of possession
in the Delta Quadrant, and the Father had become somewhat of an expert in
casting out alien demons.

Ensign Kira's sniffling brought him back to the moment, and he put an arm
around her to comfort her in her distress. "Why don't we go to that Quark's
place?"Elim suggested, "I hear they have holosuites."

Ensign Kira seemed to perk up a little at this. "Do you think they have that
cute little Teletubbies program?"

"They probably do."Elim replied, smiling at her and only letting it fade
into a grimace when she wasn't looking.

***

Colonel Kira cursed herself once again for being late. If it hadn't of been
for that stupid alarm clock she bought from Quark...She clenched her teeth,
tomorrow that Ferengi was going to get the wake-up call of his life.

She patted down her uniform and ducked into a turbolift on her right. It was
an old servicing contraption, and was very rarely used now except, of
course, for Colonels in a hurry. The ancient doors slid shut with a creak
and the turbolift began its steady ascent in the direction of Ops. Kira
tapped her foot impatiently on the floor, not relishing the harsh words that
Sisko would no doubt have for her tardiness.

She bit her bottom lip fiercely, this probably wouldn't have happened if
_she_ wasn't here.

Ridiculous, Kira admonished herself, she's not responsible for your alarm
not going off.

But still, in the back of her mind, there was the nagging suspicion that
somehow a tiny piece of Ensign Kira's airhead molecules had made their way
into her own psyche. Colonel Kira fidgeted where she stood even more, the
very idea of that alternate Kira influencing her was a terrifying thought.

Suddenly, the turbolift halted violently, flinging Colonel Kira to the floor
with a dull thud.

"Oh, by the Prophets,"she groaned. She slapped at her comm badge only to
realize it wasn't there.

It had fallen off in her haste to get dressed. She groaned with self
recrimination, and banged her head gently against the turbolifts' door.

"This day just can't get any worse,"she said aloud.

As if in answer a pale, glowing blue light materialized beside her,
gradually forming itself into a corporeal being. She drew in her breath.

"Dukat!"

***

"I don't see how we are going to get in,"Garak pessimistically predicted,"as
you can see there are far too many guards." The plethora of Jem Ha'adar
soldiers littering the Central Command was disheartening to Garak, to say
the least. It was a testimony of how far Cardassia had fallen in status
since Dominion rule.

"We would need an entire army to infiltrate this place,"Garak said, "It's a
good thing we at least have your genetic enhancements to help us if we need
to fight."

Captain Bashir frowned at Garak. "What genetic enhancements?"

"Your hand-eye co-ordination,"Garak reminded him, "that your parents had
'improved'."

"Maybe your Bashir has been enhanced, but I certainly haven't."Captain
Bashir replied.

"So,"Garak replied tersely, "you just 'think' you're a, as Dr. Bashir
described it, 'Superman'."

"That's a strange allegory,"the Captain retorted, "you're implying that
we're actually going to fight people. That certainly isn't my plan, I didn't
even bring my phaser."

Garak stared at the human madman, alarmed. "Take me back to your ship at
once."

"Not until we get my Elim."Bashir asserted.

"You didn't even bring a phaser!"Garak exclaimed, "What do you expect to do,
walk in there and simply ask them to hand him over?"

"Yes, something like that."Captain Bashir replied coolly. He pointed to the
building's entrance. "We can't beam into the building, even Cardassians have
to use the door for security purposes. Getting in won't be a problem, just
drag me along like I'm under citizen's arrest and use your Cardassian
thumbprint to open the door. Once we're inside we'll be able to beam out if
there's too much trouble, so stop looking so nervous. I'll take care of the
rest, you just follow along."

"You're insane!"Garak insisted.

"If you don't help me you will never get to see Cardassia or your 'friend'
Dr. Bashir ever again, have I made myself clear?"

"Are you threatening Dr. Bashir?"the Cardassian's eyes were suddenly
glinting with white hot fire."If you.."

"Believe whatever you want,"Captain Bashir interrupted, "just make sure you
help me."

Garak struggled with a rebuttal, but for once in his life couldn't think of
one. "Fine,"Garak relented.

Captain Bashir smiled wryly and walked ahead of the Cardassian, boldly
heading straight for the front door of Central Command. " 'We're not
sleeping together', that's the most bullshit I've heard in decades..."

"We _aren't_!"Garak reiterated hotly.
 
 

Garak was amazed at the ease with which Captain Bashir and himself were able
to wander into the main building of Central Command.

"You see, "Captain Bashir said to him, "all you have to do is swear in
Kardasi at me and look threatening enough, and everybody assumes I'm your
prisoner."

"This is too easy,"Garak said nervously.

"Just wait,"Captain Bashir promised, "It gets even easier than this..."

***

Ensign Kira found herself wandering towards her counterpart's quarters, in a
decidedly more chipper mood. Since the Ferengi at the bar had never heard of
the 'Teletubbies', she had assumed that particular holoprogram didn't exist
here. Dr. Garak had suggested to her that she should do something creative,
to take her mind off of her troubles and release her pent up energy into
something more constructive. She decided she'd strum a few tunes on her
guitar, and to her surprise the therapy seemed to work. However, even
singing happy songs in her quarters alone made her feel lonesome, and she
wondered where she could find an audience.

I know, she thought, I'll just bet Colonel Kira and I have the same musical
tastes. Maybe she'd even like to do a duet with me.

She approached the Colonel's door and rang the chime, only to be
disappointed that there was no answer. She sighed and was about to leave
when she heard a familiar voice echo down the hallway.

"We've been stuck here for an hour!" The hallway's quiet was struck with the
sound of loud banging, "Helloooo, help, please...We're stuck!"

Ensign Kira walked over to a rusty looking turbolift door and pressed her
ear against it.

"It's no use,"Colonel Kira's voice said, "we are going to be trapped here
forever. I'm sorry, you were saying?"

"That he in fact had redirected the works of Aristotle to reflect the
beliefs of Christianity. According to Dr. Garak, St Thomas Aquinas..."she
heard a deep male voice intonate.

Ensign Kira gently knocked on the metal frame. "Hello? Am I in there?"

"Thank the Prophets!"Colonel Kira exclaimed, "Get Chief O'Brien! I'm stuck
in the turbolift with Dukat!"

"Uh...ok."Ensign Kira replied.

She returned half an hour later. Alone.

"Chief O'Brien said he's busy,"Ensign Kira replied. She had tried to make
him follow her, but he was busy repairing the damage she had done to the
cargo consoles. When he saw her arrive, he literally pushed her out the door
and bolted it behind her.

"It's okay, though, "Ensign Kira replied to her swearing double, "I'm sure
he'll come right here as soon as he's finished. In the meantime,"Kira
adjusted her guitar onto her lap, "I thought I could help you both pass the
time by singing some songs. I know it certainly helps me on those long
boring trips."

"Ensign Kira,"her voice said in protest, "I don't think..."

Ensign Kira adjusted the strings on her guitar, tuning it as best she could.
She strummed each string delicately, checking their notes and smiling when
she knew they were perfect.

She strummed her guitar fervently, and began to sing.

***

It was with no small amount of shock that Garak realized they had
infiltrated the main corridor of Central Command without being accosted.
They entered a small turbolift where Garak punched in a few access codes to
gain entrance into the main conference room. He held his breath as the lift
began its ascent.

A slight popping sound, accompanied by a fizz, nearly made Garak jump out of
his skin. He looked with alarm at Captain Bashir, who was now nonchalantly
taking small sips of a beverage out of a can.

He noticed Garak's stunned gaze. "It's A&W root beer,"he explained. "You
want some?" He held out the can to Garak who merely looked on him for the
madman he clearly was. Captain Bashir shrugged and took another sip.

The doors to the turbolift slid open. "Okay,"Captain Bashir said, "just
follow behind me."

A number of Cardassian soldiers stared at the intruder with alarm, but
before they could react Bashir walked boldly out of the turbolift and as he
headed towards the interrogation room he spilled the contents of his can of
pop onto the consoles in his path. The consoles erupted into a vast shower
of sparks that in their turn sent a domino effect of small explosions
throughout the room. Once the can was empty, he crumpled the aluminum in his
hand and shoved it into a nearby panel.

The room erupted into a crescendo of brilliant white light, punctuated by
electric charges and then...

Darkness.

Jem Ha'adar and Cardassian soldiers stumbled blindly in the sudden gloom,
the odd shots of phaser fire hitting the ceiling were causing even more
pandemonium as pieces of the main computer began falling on them.

Without a hint of hesitation to his cool gait, Captain Bashir waltzed into
the main interrogation room, Garak ducking and cowering behind him.

"So,"he said to a stunned Weyoun,"Where's Elim?"

Weyoun, catching glimpses of the bedlam through the door, gripped the edges
of his seat white-knuckled.

"H-How did you get in here?"

"Through the front door,"Captain Bashir said honestly, "Now answer my
question before I rip your slimy blue guts out with my bare hands. Where's
Elim?"

Weyoun tensed. He knows my...guts...are blue? How did he get that knowledge?
The Federation has never captured a Vorta...Unless, of course, he did commit
that little atrocity...

"Dukat has taken him back to DS9,"Weyoun admitted, "he's planning on using
him for a hostage in exchange for this Garak."He pointed behind Bashir.

Captain Bashir rolled his eyes and hissed in frustration. "It's like taking
two steps backwards all the time."He grumbled. He hit his comm badge. "Nog,
two to beam up,"he said tiredly.

***

Colonel Kira and Dukat huddled against one another for support against the
onslaught above them. It had been four hours since Ensign Kira had decided
to 'entertain' them, and she didn't seem to be tiring of the exercise.

"This is a torture that even the Obsidian Order would draw the line
at,"Dukat hissed through clenched teeth, "I don't care if she is _you_
Nerys, I'm going to strangle her!"

"No, you won't,"Colonel Kira replied, her voice deadly, "because I'm doing
that honour first."

The piercing warbling stopped, and Ensign Kira cleared her throat. Dukat and
Colonel Kira stared at the ceiling together, expectantly, hoping with
desperation that she had finally finished her repertoire.

"If only I could get the transporter on my shuttle to work, the alloy in
this turblolift is causing too much interference." He was quiet a moment.
"She's not singing."Dukat dared to whisper. Colonel Kira grabbed his hand in
hers and squeezed, could this glorious moment be possible?

Nope. "This next song,"Ensign Kira trilled happily, "Is by a famous singer
named Alanis Morisette. Now, you're going to have to forgive me, but the
notes are really hard in this one and I have a little trouble with
them....Ahem.."They could hear her adjust a few strings on her guitar.

"Nerys, I'm going to start praying now. And if it works, I'm going to become
a Catholic."

Colonel Kira merely nodded, wincing as the song began.

"Thank you Indiiiiaaaa, Thank you terrerrrr, Thank you, Thank you,
SILAAAANCCE..."

***

The Deafiant redocked at DS9 without incident much to everyone's relief.
Captain Bashir was significantly more relaxed since he'd learned that Dr.
Garak was at least alive. The minute the ship had docked, he ran out onto
the docking bay, heading straight for Ops, hoping to thwart whatever plans
this Dukat had for his precious hostage.

"That's hardly the greeting I was expecting."Dr. Garak said to his running
mate. Captain Bashir stopped abruptly and turned around to see Elim smiling
at him.

"I thought you were taken hostage,"he explained.

"I was, "Elim said, "but--and you're not going to believe this-Enisgn Kira
saved me."

Captain Bashir's features darkened. "Ensign Kira was the one to save you?"he
replied, stunned. He crossed his arms over his chest, trying desperately to
digest this piece of news. "_She_ rescued you?"

He shook his head. "But I went all the way to Cardassia Prime. I trashed the
Central Command." Captain Bashir was feeling very out of sorts that his
knight in shining armor status had suddenly become tarnished by his most
incompetent officer. "Where's Dukat?"he asked, thinking he could salvage at
least some machismo by beating the snot out of Elim's captor.

"Scattered throughout space, I gather."Elim replied, "It was a transporter
accident."

"Hmph."Captain Bashir replied, unsatisfied.

Elim grabbed Captain Bashir's hands in his and clasped them to his heart.
"My dear,"he began, by way of compensation, "you have no idea how wonderful
it is to see you unharmed. I was terribly worried about you."

"You worry about me too much, Elim."Captain Bashir replied gently. He freed
his hand from Elim's tender grasp and reached out to stroke the
Cardsassian's neck affectionately. Elim closed his eyes in rapture, and
couldn't help releasing a deeply contented sigh.

"Don't you think there are more appropriate places for that sort of
behavior?"a familiar voice chided them. Elim opened his eyes and saw, for
the first time, what he must look like to other people.

"I'm sorry if you found our open display of affection offensive."Elim
replied to Garak. I really have to do something about my weight, Elim
thought with discomfort, That stockiness is going to turn to fat if I'm not
careful.

"Never mind him, Elim,"Captain Bashir said, wrapping his arm around Dr.
Garak's waist, "he's just in denial."

"We're not sleeping together!"Dr. Bashir exclaimed as he approached them.
Several Starfleet officers stopped and stared at him after this confession.

"..damn, now I owe Quark two strips of latinum..."An unknown Ensign muttered
under his breath.

"Who said that?"Dr. Bashir shouted, but the offending party had already
disappeared.

***

Odo walked down the corridor leading to Colonel Kira's quarters, concerned
that she hadn't shown up at her post. It was with no small alarm, then, that
he heard what sounded like a dying Romulan Vulture giving its last strangled
cries.

Except that dying Romulan Vultures didn't come with a guitar accompaniment.

"Thank you Indiiiiaaaa, Thank you terrerrr, Thank you, Thank you,
SILAAAANCCE...."

To Odo's amazement, he could hear Colonel Kira's voice, somewhat muffled,
replying to the din.

"Shut up! By the Prophets, SHUT UP!!"

Odo broke into a run down the corridor, only to be halted by the sudden
appearance of Kira herself, balancing a guitar on her lap.

"Oh, look,"Ensign Kira said to the door she was sitting against, "that Dodo
fellow is here. What did I tell you, a little bit of patience and everything
works out just fine." She stood up with her guitar and waved Odo over,
"They're stuck in the turbolift."she explained, grinning ear to ear.

She whistled happily as she left a confused Odo with the incoherent swearing
of Colonel Kira and what sounded like a string of fervent prayers in Dukat's
voice.

***

On his way back to his post at the Infirmary, Dr. Bashir ran into a frantic
Chief O'Brien who was carrying a heavy burden of tools.

"Colonel Kira is stuck in a turbolift with Dukat,"he explained, "From what I
understand, they've been trapped in there for hours, and Dukat isn't
sounding very good." O'Brien tapped at his skull with a forefinger, "It
might be a good idea for you to remain on alert, in case we need some
medical help."

"I'll come with you,"Bashir said, "I'm not sure but Dukat may try to take
her as a hostage in exchange for Garak."

O'Brien gazed on his friend in intense understanding, "Yeah, I can see how
that would make you upset, what with your relationship and all."

Dr. Bashir stopped in his tracks. "What do you mean, 'relationship'?"he
asked, dumbfounded, "Garak and I are NOT sleeping together!"

"Of course not,"O'Brien replied with a laugh. Dr. Bashir breathed a sigh of
relief.

"Everybody knows you guys broke up months ago."O'Brien added.

"Miles, we didn't break up,"Dr. Bashir replied evenly.

O'Brien cleared his throat to get his foot out of it, "Sorry, my mistake. I
didn't realize you were still with him, I mean you two hardly have lunch
together anymore."

"No! What I mean is, we've never 'been' together."Dr. Bashir reiterated
hotly.

O'Brien expressed sheer surprise, "Jeez, I never would have thought that
Garak could be such a cold fish..."

"No no no," Dr. Bashir clarified, "We've never had a relationship beyond
being just friends."

"Really?"O'Brien replied, surprised."Hunh. Well, I'll be damned, I could've
sworn you two were getting it on."

Dr. Bashir didn't know how to reply to this. The rest of their hurried trek
to rescue Kira was spent in uneasy silence.

***

Rescuing Kira was a remarkably easy process. All O'Brien had to do was use
the 'jaws of life' to open the turbolift door. As soon as the opening had
been created, Colonel Kira leapt out of the turbolift and grabbed O'Brien by
the throat.

"Too damn busy to get me out of there, were you. I'll teach you never to be
too busy for me again!"

"Colonel!"Captain Sisko shouted, "Release Chief O'Brien at once!"

"That little nightmare 'sang' for FOUR HOURS!"

It took his prying hands as well as several other senior officers to wrench
her free of her murderous hold on O'Brien. By the time they had released
him, Dukat had already taken the opportunity to beam back to his shuttle and
make his escape.

Sisko fumed in anger and frustration. "I hope you're happy, Colonel, Dukat
is no doubt well on his way back to Cardassia Prime."

"Actually, sir,"Kira contradicted, "he's on his way to join the Dominicans."

"Of course he is."Sisko replied darkly, completely misinterpreting what
Colonel Kira had just said.

***

That evening, the two friends shared a quiet meal in the privacy of Garak's
quarters.

"I just hope it works,"Dr. Bashir said, "I can't wait to see them leave."

"You and I both, my dear doctor,"Garak replied, pouring his friend yet
another glass of kanaar, "your counterpart is most disturbing. I'm still
trying to wrap my mind around the fact that he brought the Dominion to their
knees with nothing more than a can of pop."

"Father O'Brien told me he once stopped a warp core breach using nothing but
silly putty and a pipe cleaner."Dr. Bashir replied. He took a tentative gulp
of kanaar and winced over its bitter taste. "I don't know what's more
disturbing, the fact that everyone thought we've been sleeping together all
this time, or the fact that if I hadn't of been genetically enhanced I
would've been a genius."

"Don't ask me,"Garak replied, sitting beside his friend on the couch, "I'm
still finding it disturbing that in another life I could have had so many
people care about me. Much as Captain Sisko values my contribution to the
war effort, I have no illusions that he would come to my rescue."

"No, he wouldn't," Dr. Bashir replied, "but I certainly would. You're my
friend, I couldn't just leave you to die."

Garak tried to think of a cutting, witty remark to rebut his friend's
statement, but when he found himself locking his gaze into Dr. Bashir's for
an uncomfortable amount of time, he found he was speechless. He gulped down
his kanaar instead.

"Another glass of kanaar?"he offered, whilst he poured another for himself.
 
 
 
 

Captain Bashir sank into luxury as he allowed the cascade of warm, musk
scented bubbles caress his skin. His body was imbibed with an inner warmth
that the bath only accentuated, along with the celebratory glass of
Glennfiddich Whiskey. He toasted the fates for the fourth time, and downed
the fiery brew in one gulp.

"Now that's a finer wine than any," he proclaimed. He nudged Elim closer to
him with his foot, and the Cardassian doctor slid onto Bashir's chest,
giggling.

"How'sabout 'nother cuppa?"Elim drawled, and he held out a glass with a
swerving hand. Bashir tried to pour, but the glass kept moving and a
significant amount of Glennfiddich was added to their bath.

"Ahm drunk."Elim proclaimed.

"Really?"Bashir replied, feigning injured pride, "And here I was thinking it
was all because of your lust for me that you were losing your senses."

"Lust,"Elim reminded him with a wave of his finger, "is one of the Seven
Deadly sins." Elim propped himself onto Bashir's knees, "Thisissabout Love."

Bashir's hands moved along the Cardassians hips, teasing the edges. He
smiled to himself as he heard his spouse's breath catch in uncertain
arousal. As he continued the massaging, Elim's tension gradually began to
ease until finally Elim began to moan and writhe into his touch in ecstatic,
serpentine motions. When Bashir felt he was ready, he plunged his thumbs
into the hidden crevices of his spouse's ridged hips. Elim arched his back
and stiffened, his nails digging into the flesh on Bashir's chest deep
enough to draw blood. Bashir shifted beneath him, entering the Cardassian
swiftly.

Elim remained unmoving, frozen in his ecstatic pose, the only indication of
his emotions was the slight trembling of his arms and the tears that flowed
down his cheeks, the occasional drop hitting the water beneath him, or
Bashir's chest. Bashir remained as still as he could, movement could injure
his lover at this point. It was only when Elim exhaled in a long stroke and
began to breathe with ragged gasps that Bashir risked pulling him close.

"There, now,"he said gently, washing the tears away with musk and whiskey
scented water. He kissed Elim with open mouthed passion. "What do you say we
get out of here, dry off, go to bed and perform oral pleasure for the rest
of the evening?"

"A wondrous plan."Elim sighed onto Bashir's lips.

***

Colonel Kira pressed the door chime on Dr. Bashir's quarters and was greeted
by a groggy, disheveled human male whose face was strangely shadowed by
myriads of tiny hairs. It didn't take a second for her to notice that his
eyes were rimmed with dark circles and their usual bright eagerness had been
replaced with two red webbed orbs.

"'morning."he managed to mumble, "Want some coffee?"

"No, but I think you do,"Kira replied. "You look like you spent the night
with the Pagh Wraiths."

Julian clutched at his pounding head. "I was celebrating."

Kira nodded, completely understanding. "Ratajinko."she said to the
replicator, and she handed the beverage to Julian who took it without
comment. "I think we'll all be relieved to see the Deafiant go home,"she
said, "I came by to see if you wanted to witness them actually leaving.
Personally, I am making sure that my counterpart doesn't remain behind--even
if there was a one in a google's chance that she would end up staying
here..."Kira shivered involuntarily. "You know the weird thing is, the only
person that seemed kind of normal was Garak's double. I talked to him for a
couple of hours last night, it took a few minutes for him to warm up to me
(I couldn't believe how shy he was), but once he did he was so sweet, and so
nice." She ordered a ratajinko for herself from the replicator, "I mean, I
just wanted to fold him up and put him in my pocket."

"For safekeeping."Julian muttered over the rim of his mug.

"Exactly."Kira replied. She took a sip of ratajinko and smiled over its
flavor, "So, what does our Garak think of his double?"

"Julian,"a familiar voice shouted from the bathroom, "where do you keep
your...Oh, never mind, I found it." Garak waltzed out of the bathroom,
fastening together a terry cloth robe.

"Why don't you ask him yourself?"Julian said to Kira. There was a moment of
awkwardness when the tailor realized that Colonel Kira was in the same room.
He pulled the robe closer together around his neck in a sudden fit of
modesty.

"Good morning, Colonel."he said to her in forced brightness.

Kira stared at this little revelation in astonishment.

"Julian,"she replied, "when did the two of you get back together?"

"Actually, we never split up."Julian explained.

"Oh."Kira replied. "Well, good to see you both doing well, then. I trust
you'll be seeing the Deafiant off in an hour?"

"I can't wait."Julian replied.

***

"He's sure this is going to work?" Captain Bashir asked Father O'Brien
doubtfully, "I don't like diving through wormholes, what with our track
record."

"He feels that there's a good chance the frequencies of the ship's
transporters will match,"Father O'Brien replied, "It's the best we can hope
for."

Captain Bashir looked over his bridge, nagged by an incongruity. "There's
something missing."he said to himself. With astonishment, he realized what
it was. "Where's all the dirt?"

"Sir?"Nog asked.

"The dirt,"Bashir explained, "This ship has been filthy for weeks, why is
she suddenly clean?"

"The Deafiant's computer seems to have gotten over her depression,
sir."Father O'Brien replied. "After we woke up another Weyoun.."

"What happened to that last one?"

"He got his head cut off by a Klingon last night."

"_Again_?"

Weyoun faced Captain Bashir, "I told him I thought the gagh was a little
cold. As for the computer, well, she may have moved on from her depression
but she is now in the 'anger' phase of experience."

In the corridor outside of the bridge, Tom Riker was being assailed as he
walked, continuously being struck by intermittent bolts of electricity from
the computer's panels.

"Well, let's just hope she stays angry for awhile."Captain Bashir said, "By
the way, did she ever mention why she and Riker broke up?"

Father O'Brien coughed. Weyoun paled, and suddenly looked ill.

"She caught Tom Riker with Engineer Neelix, sir!"Nog exclaimed.

A harsh wave of nausea filled Bashir as he felt his gag reflex suddenly get
triggered. It was all he could do to refrain from retching in front of his
crew. "You realize, Nog, that I will not be able to eat for several days
after that little tidbit of information."

"None of us will be able to, sir."Father O'Brien replied.

Captain Bashir took a deep breath and braced himself. "Alright, everybody,
let's see what 'Chief' O'Brien has done for us. Shields up."

"Shields up, sir,"Nog replied.

"Transporter sweep."

"Transporter sweep online,"Father O'Brien replied.

"Ensign Kira in the brig."

"Esign Kira has been secured,"Weyoun replied.

"Good. Brace yourselves folks, we're going home."Bashir stood up from his
seat and moved in front of the viewscreen, "Engage."

***

It had been a bumpy ride through the wormhole, but they had made it through
to the other side intact. Where they had made it, however, was open to
question.

"There's no sign of Outpost 9, sir."Nog replied, dejected.

"Father O'Brien,"Bashir said, hopelessness lining his voice, "can you tell
us where we are?"

Father O'Brien hesitated. "It looks like the Delta Quadrant again, sir,"he
replied.

Captain Bashir rubbed at his temples with a weary hand. "We can't even blame
Ensign Kira this time."he said. "You might as well let her back on the
bridge, Weyoun. Father, keep a wide scan for other signs of life in this
area."

"Sir!"Nog exclaimed, "You're not going to believe this!"

"I bet I will, Nog."Bashir replied.

"I'm picking up a scan of a Starship! It's Voyager!"

"On screen."Bashir replied tonelessly, "You might as well hail them,
Father."

Captain Janeway replied to the hail immediately. "It's so good to see you
again,"she said, smiling widely, "We thought we'd lost you all forever."

"Yeah, great to see you too." Bashir replied with intense sadness.

Ensign Kira bounded onto the bridge, her smile so large it threatened to
engulf her face.

"Seven!"she waved frantically at the Borg operating the tactical console,
"Seven! It's me! I'm back! Did you miss me? Hey, why don't I come over and I
can teach you how to play 'Twister'.."

Seven glared at Captain Janeway.

"If we encounter the Borg again I am rejoining the collective."

END