Acknowledgements

*Sivaoans are a creation of Janet Hagan, in her TOS novel, Uhura's Song.  Read it!
* Counselor Miril courtesy of BGM's excellent "Heart and Asylum." This is one of my favorite G/B stories!
* Fistrium is a refractory, heavy metal that Data thought might have blocked the scans of the Crystalline Entity in the TNG episode, "Silicon Avatar."
* The Cardassian word, j'barra, I borrowed from Anne Fairchild's story, "A Dragon's Heart." This may be my absolute favorite G/B story. You are missing out, if you have not read it!
* The quotation is from Charles Dickens' immortal classic,  "A Tale of Two Cities"
 

Oh, Comrades, fill no glass for me,
To drown my soul in liquid flame,
For, if I drank, the toast should be,
To blighted fortune, health and fame.
Yet, though I long to quell the strife,
That passion holds against my life,
Still, boon companions may ye be,
But, comrades, fill no glass for me.

I know a breast that once was light,
Whose patient suffering needs my care,
I know a hearth that once was bright,
But drooping hopes have nestled there,
Then, while the teardrops nightly steal,
>From wounded hearts that I should heal,
Though boon companions may ye be,
Oh, comrades, fill no glass for me.

When I was young, I felt the tide,
Of aspirations undefiled,
But manhood's year have wronged the pride,
My parent's centered in their child,
Then, by a mother's sacred tear,
By all that memory should revere,
Though boon companions ye may be,
Oh, comrades, fill no glass for me.

Though boon companions may ye be,
Oh, comrades, fill no glass for me.
 -Stephen Foster, Comrades, Fill No Glass For Me
 

Fill No Glass For Me

Prologue

Four bodies lay strewn around the smashed runabout.  Lt. Thompson and Ensign All-Loops were clearly dead.  Ensign Vareska's blood, which fast pooled around her, signaled her imminent demise.  Lt. Enrique Perez lay
helplessly against the wall, his right leg fractured, staring at his fallen comrades and repeatedly murmuring, "My fault, my fault, my fault... "   By the time help arrived, only Perez survived and he had lapsed into merciful unconsciousness.

Chapter 1

Dr. Julian Bashir, CMO of Deep Space Nine, hated death certificates. They were the bane of every doctor's existence, and Bashir took each personally. "Another person I couldn't save," a dark part of his mind
moaned, each time he had to fill one out.  He particularly hated senseless deaths, and he believed Thompson, All-Loops and Vareska deserved better. Especially All-Loops...

He remembered his first meeting with the Sivaoan and sadly smiled.  She was the first felinoid Bashir ever knew, and he had been captivated by her.  Always cheerful and accepting, she charmed everyone who knew her. All-Loops and Perez had been especially close friends.

Bashir grimaced and went to check on his patient.  Lt. Perez lay, unmoving, on the bio. bed, under heavy sedation.  After Bashir treated his injuries, Perez awoke only once.  He sat up, screaming and thrashing
about, forcing Bashir to sedate him. Bashir and the station's counselor discussed the probability of Perez's needing counseling.  They decided to recommend Perez attend a few sessions, due to his traumatic
experience.  How little they truly realized...even in deep sleep, Perez suffered through visions of the accident.  And, throughout those visions, a voice echoed, "My fault, my fault, my fault..."

"Doctor," a soft voice said, behind Bashir, "do you plan to eat lunch with Mr. Garak?"

"Hmm?" Bashir turned to his Bajoran nurse.

"Mr. Garak expects you for lunch, today, Doctor."

"Oh...yes...of course...lunch...I'll be back in an hour.  Perez could wake up, at any time.  Notify me, if he does."

She smiled, "I'll keep watch, Doctor."

Bashir nodded and walked out the door.
 

Garak watched Julian's entrance, into the Replimat, with carefully concealed pleasure.  How beautiful he looked today, his hair slightly tousled, his lips full and pouty, his...  *Careful, you old fool,* Garak cautioned himself, inwardly.

Julian came over and smiled tiredly at his friend, "I may not be the best company.  We lost three people in a runabout accident on Bajor."

"I heard.  Did you know any of them?" Garak asked, sympathetically.

"I considered All-Loops a good friend.  She always knew how to make me laugh."

"Yes," Garak replied, "she had a special gift."

Julian regarded Garak with surprise, "You knew All-Loops?"

Garak smiled, sadly, "I also considered her my friend."

Julian leaned forward and lightly squeezed Garak's hand, unaware of how his action warmed the tailor's heart.  "I never realized, " he said, softly.

Garak looked down, at his untouched lunch, "All-Loops accepted everyone; my heritage and dark past did not prevent her from offering friendship. She had an open and eager mind... I enjoyed her company."

Julian nodded, understandingly, "Yes...," but the rest of his sentence was cut off by his combadge's annoying beep.

"Lt. Perez has woken up," Bashir's nurse announced, when he answered, "and I think you better get down here."

"I'll be down directly," Julian answered, before turning back to his friend. "Perez is the only survivor of the accident, and I'm concerned about his emotional state.  I really need to check on him."

"Of course," Garak reassured, "I understand completely."

Julian smiled, "This wasn't much of a lunch, Garak.  How about we try again, tomorrow?"

*How generous you are, my wonderful Julian, * Garak thought, but his only answer was, "I look forward to it."

Julian flashed him a heartbreaking smile, then proceeded back to the Infirmary.

*Guls, how I love that human!* Garak thought, watching him depart.
 
 

Lt. Perez was fully awake by the time Dr. Bashir returned to the Infirmary.  Bashir quickly began to examine him and started to say, "Your wounds have healed quite nicely." 

Perez, however, cut him off, "Everyone else died, didn't they?"

Bashir gently placed a hand on Perez's shoulder, "I'm afraid so, but..."

"I know, it wasn't my fault," Perez finished, then bitterly laughed.

"Enrique..."

"Do not bore me with an uplifting speech, Doctor!" Perez spat.

Bashir stiffened and his tone became stern, "You obviously require counseling, I will schedule you a session with Counselor Miril."

Perez waved his hand, dismissing the doctor, "Do whatever you will, Doctor.  I have no intention of attending."

Bashir held onto his temper with difficulty, "Lt. Enrique Perez, I am ordering you to see Counselor Miril.  I will make you an appointment, this very minute." He turned and walked to his medical console.  After a moment's conference with Miril, Bashir got Perez an immediate appointment.  He marched back to his sullen patient.  Harnessing his compassion and bedside manner, he said, "Enrique, your physical wounds have healed, but you are obviously having emotional difficulties with this tragedy.  The Counselor believes you should visit him, now.  You are released from the Infirmary, but not returned to duty.  The Counselor will decide when you can report back to your job."

Perez's reply did not encourage Bashir, "Lucky, lucky me!  I have a date with the good Counselor.  I will not thank you for this, Doctor." Perez hopped off the bed and quickly left, without once glancing back.
 
 

Chapter 2

Quark considered refusing to serve the Starfleet Officer, loss of profit or not.  The man was beyond drunk; he was shattered.  He had downed several shots of Southern Comfort, but called for more.  His behavior, which had not been good while he was sober, steadily turned worse. Currently, he harassed poor Morn so badly, the alien actually seemed ready to leave.  Quark interrupted the abuse, "Lieutenant, if you cannot control yourself, I will call Constable Odo."

The lieutenant whirled on him, "Look, you sniveling, moronic toad, just serve me, then leave!"

Quark started to call for Security, but the man casually backhanded him. Quark's head smacked hard into his glass rack, and he flopped to the floor.

"Perez!" a shocked voice cried, and a hand grabbed his arm.  Perez cut off the rest of the sentence by smashing his left elbow into the new man's rib cage.  He heard a satisfying cry of pain, and the hand let go.  Perez wheeled and dealt a solid blow to the man's nose.  He started to laugh, but a nasty blow to his neck sent Perez straight to unconsciousness.

Elim Garak knelt by his fallen friend, "Doctor, are you all right?"

Julian Bashir's nose gushed blood and he gasped desperately for breath. He nodded, weakly, at Garak and managed to say, "How's Quark?"

Garak smiled at his friend's compassion, "Ferengis have notoriously hard heads, and Quark more so than others."

With Garak's assistance, Julian regained his feet, but swayed dizzily. The gout from his nose had slowed, but remained steady.  The Doctor ignored his own injuries and went to check on Quark.  Quark had also gotten up and clung to his bar to remain standing.  Julian checked him over, while Garak called Security.

Julian turned to Garak and said, "Quark and I are going to the Infirmary.  Take care of Perez, will you?"

Garak smiled, a bit menacingly, "I certainly will, Doctor." Julian nodded and left, with Quark in tow, while Garak returned his attention to the awakening Perez.  Just as Odo and two of his officers entered, Perez gazed up into glittering blue eyes.  "Never touch Dr. Julian Bashir again," Garak hissed, "or I will snap your neck like a twig."

Perez's eyes widened, but his drunken state emboldened him.  "How long have you been fucking the good doctor, Cardie?" he snarled, "I've heard he's quite the enthusiastic lay."

Garak might have killed him right there, but Odo's dry voice cut through his anger, "Mr. Garak, would you care to explain this?"

"This man became violently drunk and attacked both Quark and Dr. Bashir," Garak stated, indicating the inebriated Perez.

"Is this true, Lieutenant?"

Perez attempted to stand, but his legs refused to support him.  From an undignified position on the floor, he snarled, "Sure, believe the Spoonhead."

Garak stiffened, "Dr. Bashir and Quark will support my statement."

Perez coldly laughed, "A Ferengi and the Cardie's whore..."

Odo's voice dripped disapproval and scorn, "You are not a credit to Starfleet, at this moment, Lieutenant." He gestured to his officers, "Please escort Lt. Perez to a holding cell." The two men hoisted Perez up, by the underarms.  They dragged Perez out, and he cursed them the whole way.

Garak watched Perez being ejected, then turned toward Odo, "Constable..."

Odo held up a placating hand, "I will conduct a full investigation, but I am sure your story will be supported."

Garak nodded, but that really wasn't what was on his mind.  In a quiet voice, he said, "What Perez said about Dr. Bashir..."

Odo snorted, "The man was totally out of control. I see no reason to include the remark in my report."

Relief flooded Garak, but he merely nodded his thanks.  The Constable left, and Garak's attention was caught by the returning Quark.  He walked over to him, "Where is Dr. Bashir?"

"Hu-mans!  The fool went to treat Perez's injuries.  He must enjoy being beat up."

Garak stifled a nasty remark and, instead, ordered a glass of Kanaar.  He waited impatiently for the Doctor's return, but Julian did not come back.  Eventually, Garak admitted defeat and went to bed.
 

Chapter 3

Julian Bashir staggered into the Replimat.  He looked haggard and sported dark circles under his eyes.  Garak watched with concern as the doctor ordered lunch, stumbled to their table and slumped into a chair. His greeting lacked its normal cheer, and he could not keep up an intelligent conversation.  Garak noticed him continually staring into space.  Several times, Julian missed what Garak said entirely.

Finally, Garak shook his head in frustrated anger, "I am sorry this conversation is so boring."

Julian looked surprised, then contrite.  He sighed and Garak instantly forgave him.  "I'm sorry, Garak.  Its Perez... I saw him at Quark's again, today.  He's drinking himself into oblivion.  He refuses to let anyone help him.  Oh, he hasn't been violent again, but his work is definitely poor.  He's angling to get himself kicked out of Starfleet."

"A truly pathetic case, but don't you think you're taking it a bit too personally?"

Julian looked at him, with wide, pain-filled, hazel eyes.  When he finally spoke, his voice was soft and hypnotic and Garak allowed himself to be transported by it...
 

Cadet Julian Bashir was incredibly happy.  He had just learned of his acceptance into Starfleet Medical Academy.  His happiness, however, blinded him to the despair of his close friend and fellow student, Carla
Matise.

Carla and Julian had been friends since their earliest days at the Academy.  Both shared a love for helping people and wanted desperately to become doctors.  Both also had strained relationships with their parents, specifically their fathers.  The two consoled each other and shared tales about their fathers.

However, while Julian breezed through his classes, Carla struggled.  She hid her problems, from all her friends, so Julian did not know about them.  Had Julian not been so intent on his own success, he may have
noticed.

Now, Julian was so lost in self-congratulations and joy to notice anything.  He did not pick up Carla's strained laughter or forced cheer.  Everything was right for him, therefore everything must be right for her.

But, nothing was right for Carla Matise. She had graduated from the Academy, but her grades were not good enough to get her into medical school.  With great trepidation, she reported this to her father.  The response was curt and cruel, "We are severely disappointed in you.  I suppose we should not have expected better, but you know how your mother has always believed in you." Her father then cut off the transmission, leaving his daughter completely distraught.  Julian's joyous announcement of his acceptance into medical school made her feel even more alone.  For Julian's benefit, she feigned happiness.  She also cleverly evaded his questions regarding her future.

Both of them attended a congratulatory party given by their friends, several of them future doctors.  Most everyone got drunk, all far gone in  euphoria.  Carla drank in deadly earnest.  After the majority of attendees had collapsed in a stupor, she went out in search of stronger stuff.  Unfortunately, she found it.

The next morning, Julian awoke with a glorious hangover, stumbled home and went to bed.  He awoke again, about mid afternoon, feeling much better.  He decided to see how Carla was feeling and called her.  Her
roommate hadn't seen her, since the prior evening.  Julian then called the party throwers to see if she were still there.  No such luck.

Getting worried, Julian called several other of her friends.  Nothing. Finally, in desperation, Julian called her parents.

"We have not heard from her, since she informed us, yesterday afternoon, that she did not get into Starfleet Medical," her father coldly informed Julian, "I'm not surprised she's disappeared, frankly.  She has always
been unable to deal with her failures."

Julian felt terrible.  How could he have been so blind?  When his friend needed comforting, he had practically thrown her failure in her face. All his crowing about being accepted and dragging her to that stupid party!  There they all had been, celebrating success, while she suffered.  And now, she had disappeared.  Julian called Starfleet Security and reported her as a missing person.

For hours, Julian anxiously awaited news of his friend.  He finally received a call from an older Security officer.  The man gazed at him; his eyes full of pity.  "Cadet Bashir?" When Bashir nodded, the man continued, "I have news regarding Cadet Carla Matise, whom you reported as a missing person.  I am afraid she is dead."

"No," Julian whispered, "please, no..."

"I am sorry to be the bearer of such unpleasant news.  Of course, we have already informed her parents."

"How... how did it happen?"

The officer sadly shook his head, "Alcohol poisoning.  She literally drank herself to death."

Julian Bashir did not remember the rest of the transmission.  Somehow, he found himself alone, staring blankly at an empty screen.  His friend was dead.  He should have been there for her, but he was too self-absorbed to see past his own needs.  Julian dissolved into sobs and cried, until he had no more tears.
 

Bashir let out a quiet sob and tears trickled down his cheeks.  Across from him, a former Obsidian Order agent felt like joining him.  No wonder Julian had been so distracted, Lt. Perez's problems brought back such unpleasant memories.

Garak wanted to gather Julian in his arms and comfort him.  Just once, he wished he could hold his beloved doctor, if only to let him know everything was all right.  "Oh, Julian," he whispered, softly.  Garak reached out and gently grasped Julian's right hand.  The two sat, hands intertwined, until Julian's crying stopped.

"I'm sorry, Garak, but it has been so hard on me.  I didn't help Carla, and Perez won't let me help him."

"Your friend's death was not your fault, and neither are Lt. Perez's current problems.  You have offered assistance numerous times, and he has rejected you, every time."

"I cannot give up trying, Garak!"

"Of course you cannot.  You would not be Julian Bashir, if you could."  *And I wouldn't love you.*

"Thank you, Garak.  I know I've let Perez's troubles get me down.  I just have to hope he can work it out.  I promise to try not to let it depress me, as much."

Julian kept his promise, over the next few weeks his spirits did improve.  He deliberately avoided going to Quark's, however, because Perez's drinking did not stop.  He continued to drink heavily, for several months, without becoming violent.  That changed one seemingly quiet day...
 

Chapter 4
 

Lt. Perez stood angrily in front of Captain Sisko's desk.  The Captain took him to task for drinking, refusing to accept help, his sullen attitude and sloppy work.  "One would think you didn't want to be in Starfleet at all!" Sisko thundered.

Perez snapped off a sarcastic salute, "Well, at last, you actually said something halfway intelligent.  Hallelujah!" He tore off his combadge and pips, "Here, Captain, enjoy.  I resign!" With that, Perez turned on his heel and quick-marched out of Sisko's office.  He headed for Quark's, furious and thirsty.

Quark saw him enter and groaned.  "How can I help you, Lieutenant?" he asked, trying to be polite.

Perez smiled, a nasty grin, "Not a lieutenant anymore, frog-face.  I resigned! Smartest thing I've ever done!  I've come to celebrate!  Give me a bottle of your strongest poison!"

Quark looked uneasy, "I don't think that's a very good idea, Mr. Perez, I'm afraid..."

Perez seized Quark's throat, with a powerful hand.  "Give me that bottle Ferengi," he hissed, "or die in pain!"

Quark made desperate choking noises and reached for a bottle, any bottle.  Then, a calm voice said, "Let him go or I will shoot you."

Perez dropped Quark and whirled to face Dr. Bashir.  Bashir held a phaser on Perez and his face was grim.  "I doubt you have the guts, my dear doctor," Perez taunted.

"I assure..." as the words left Bashir's mouth, he realized how neatly he had been tricked.  Perez started moving before he had completed his own sentence.  He feinted left, but whirled right.  Bashir's shot missed him by an inch, and Perez sent the phaser flying, before he got off another.

Perez attacked Bashir, using an impressive array of martial arts moves. Bashir's genetic enhancements held him in good stead, but he did not have a Security Officer's advanced training.  Perez drove his knee, hard, into Bashir's groin and delivered a blow to his neck.  Bashir stumbled backward and fell.

Suddenly, two other Starfleet officers waded into the fight.  Punches started flying and one of the officers was thrown into a pair of just arriving Klingons.  They were delighted to join a fight.  Like wildfire, the fight spread and became an all-out brawl.  Furniture flew, bottles smashed and blood spattered.  Odo and a large Security force arrived, but they were sucked in with everybody else.

In the midst of chaos, Perez maintained his footing, nose bloody, lip split, but rage intact.  He advanced on Dr. Bashir, who was shakily trying to escape the bar.  Somehow, in his alcoholic haze, Perez connected Bashir with all his troubles, including the accident.  In his unthinking anger, he wanted to see Bashir hurt, badly.

Bashir saw Perez advancing on him and read the hatred in his eyes.  He increased his efforts to get out, but his injuries hampered his efforts.  Realizing the attempt was fruitless, Bashir turned to face Perez and fight for his life.

The two faced off and the universe seemed to contract around them. Bashir stood, tensed, waiting for attack.  Perez stood, relaxed, examining his opponent for weaknesses.  Perez sprung, when he heard a terrifying roar and something crashed into his side.

"Garak!" Julian cried, as his friend tackled Perez.  He tried to go after them, but was blocked by a pair of struggling Klingons.

Perez was a fully trained Security Officer, but he was no match for a furious, former Obsidian Order operative.  Garak broke Perez's nose, shattered his kneecap, broke his arm and gave him a concussion.  Perez lay sprawled, only half-conscious, and Garak grabbed him.  He pulled back his arm to make good his threat and deliver a blow that would snap Perez's neck.

"No! Let him go! Garak, please!"

Through a red haze, Garak saw Julian staggering toward him.  His beloved hobbled on a wounded leg, and his beautiful face was covered with blood.  Garak's protective instincts kicked in.  He dropped Perez and moved to Bashir's side.  Garak looped one arm around Julian's waist and lifted him over his shoulder.  He carried Julian out of the bar, using his free arm to knock all obstacles aside.

"Garak," Julian protested, but the Cardassian did not hear him.  In record time, Garak's determined efforts got them out of the bar.

Garak gently set Julian down, but kept his arm protectively around the other man's waist.  Julian did not notice, he was too shocked by Perez's actions and the barbarity of the fighting.  His doctor's training screamed at him to do something, anything, to stop the fight.  He moved back toward the melee, but Garak pulled Julian back into his chest. "Where are you going?" he murmured, in Julian's ear.

"I'm a doctor; I need to assist the wounded."

"If you go back into that, you will only be injured further."

Julian stared into the bar and saw Odo attempting to break things up. His Security Force was scattered throughout Quark's, trying desperately to calm everyone down.  Then, Julian spotted Perez, still lying where
Garak dropped him.  He looked around, an expression of confusion on his face.  His eyes held a lost look.  Julian thought again of Carla and sobbed.  "How did this happen?" he asked, softly.

"I don't know," Garak honestly answered, "I wish, for your sake, it had not."

 The sincerity in Garak's voice broke Julian's last barriers.  He clutched Garak's waist and leaned, crying, into his shoulder.  Garak held his distraught friend and again fervently wished he could properly comfort him.  The Cardassian nuzzled Julian's hair and whispered soothing words.

And there, while rage and violence swirled in the next room, two very different men found a measure of solace in the presence of the other.

Continued in Part II