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Prologue
ACT IV (It's about half an hour to showtime and OPHIDIA, ALTARIA and BARCLAY are scampering around the promenade frantically setting up. Garak's shop has been converted into the cast dressing room. GARAK is in the fitting room looking at his ensemble in the mirror; he's not in makeup yet. Outside, DEANNA is doing KIRA's makeup. ODO is nearby, anxious) ODO: I didn't realize I'd have to kill you, too. KIRA: Odo, I told you, it's all right. It doesn't hurt. DEANNA: Don't move your mouth, Nerys. (ODO notices the given name and becomes moody. BASHIR enters in an overcoat, which he removes to reveal his shiny briefs; he is greeted by catcalls and whistles from DEANNA, KIRA, O'BRIEN and DAX) DAX: Oh, look at him, he's blushing. Isn't he cute. BASHIR: (trying to be a good sport, but deeply embarrassed) All right, all right. Where's Garak? (DAX indicates the fitting room; BASHIR enters, carrying a bag of lumpy things. GARAK, who has been trying on his wig, turns as he hears him enter) GARAK: Julian. BASHIR: You look wonderful. (Kisses him) Here, I brought all your pots and jars and brushes and things. (Hands him the bag) I know you need to concentrate. I'll see you later. (Leaves. GARAK sits down at a vanity table with a smaller mirror and starts taking jars out and setting them on the table. He doesn't recognize one of the boxes; when he opens it he finds a note reading "For my sweet transvestite, love Rocky." Under the note is a necklace, which he takes out -- a silver choker with a single teardrop brilliant in the middle. Moved, he puts it on, then starts uncapping jars and applying his makeup. We move to the shop floor) O'BRIEN: I don't need makeup, I'm supposed to be normal! DEANNA: I'm telling you, the lights will wash you out. O'BRIEN: Odo's not wearing any! DEANNA: Odo's *supposed* to look unhealthy. (OPHIDIA bustles in) Ophidia, tell him he needs makeup. OPHIDIA: You need makeup. I'm serious. Trust Deanna, she'll put it on thick enough. (As DEANNA busies herself with O'BRIEN, WORF enters, dressed in nothing but gold lame briefs. He attracts a fair amount of attention. OPHIDIA does a double-take) OPHIDIA: If you're looking to buy some pants, Garak's is closed until tomorrow. WORF: I am ready. OPHIDIA: Ye gods and little fishes. Worf, for the last time, NO! WORF: (nodding at BASHIR) He is not what the part calls for. Compare us and see for yourself. BASHIR: Now look here, Commander -- (DEANNA steps forward) DEANNA: (looking him up and down with an amused expression) Well. This certainly is impressive. WORF: (in an undertone) You see what I am willing to do to be with you. DEANNA: And if only the ability to swagger around in a ridiculous metallic diaper were something I was looking for in a mate -- WORF: (angrily) You do not understand! DEANNA: When have you ever let me? (WORF growls; KIRA stomps up) KIRA: Is this Klingon giving you any trouble? DEANNA: Not any more. (After a final disapproving once-over) Go home and put some clothes on before you catch cold. (WORF snarls and extis. Calling after him) And take that phase inverter out of your underwear! (KIRA and DAX explode with laughter. OPHIDIA hurries down to Quark's, where the audience is lined up outside the entrance buying supplies from a concession stand run by ROM) ROM: Get your Official Rocky Horror Audience Participation Accessories! One strip for each individual item, five strips for the prepackaged kit! Water pistols pre-filled for a nominal surcharge! (OPHIDIA pushes into the bar, which has been converted into an old movie theater, complete with red plush seats and a candy counter at which NOG is hawking Raisinets, Jujujbes and Junior Mints at inflated prices. The audience has started to fill up the seats, which face away from the entrance toward a large movie screen. BARCLAY approaches OPHIDIA) BARCLAY: This should do it. (Hands her a headset consisting of a small round electronic gizmo held directly in front of her mouth by a wire that loops over her ear. OPHIDIA puts it on) OPHIDIA: Dammit -- I forgot the makeup. (She hustles up to Garak's. As she enters the cast members immediately attack her with panicked questions) KIRA: Is my hat on right? OPHIDIA: Yes, perfect. If you need more bobby pins, there's more in the -- SISKO: (Blasting in in a hurry) Sorry I'm late -- Ophidia, how long do we have? OPHIDIA: Twelve minutes. O'BRIEN: I'm missing my feather boa. OPHIDIA: There's a hundred spare ones in Ops. QUARK: (panicking) I can't find my bowtie -- I think I left it back at the bar -- OPHIDIA: Then go down there and look for it, there's still time. (QUARK hustles off) KEIKO: Where's the newspaper? OPHIDIA: It's in Ops with the rest of the props. DAX: How long do we have? OPHIDIA: Eleven minutes. DAX: Will there be time to put gas in the motorcycle? OPHIDIA: I've already filled it. (She is starting to get a little frazzled. QUARK comes running back) QUARK: It's not in the bar! OPHIDIA: Look, just borrow one from Garak, this is a clothing store for God's sake. QUARK: Where does he keep the bowties? OPHIDIA: How the hell shoudl I know? Ask him! (QUARK heads for the fitting room) DAX: Ophidia, how long do we have? OPHIDIA: We have one minute less than the last time you asked that question. KEIKO: Ophidia, is there water backstage? I'll need a bottle of water. OPHIDIA: Then go replicate one. (SISKO trots up anxiously) SISKO: Ophidia, do I have time to run to the bathroom before we start? (OPHIDIA barely stops herself from exploding, looks at him, takes a deep breath, and pauses before answering slowly) OPHIDIA: Captain ... you're an adult. You've
been going to the bathroom for at least thirty years. You know how long
it takes you. You know how long you have before your entrance. Do the math
and make your own decision.
(Cut to OPHIDIA sitting in the middle of the floor of Garak's shop with the cast gathered around her) OPHIDIA: Just remember, if something goes
wrong, nine times out of ten the audience won't pick up on it if you don't
let on. Be ready to cover for mistakes and ad lib where you have to. The
conductor will be watching you
ALTARIA: Two minutes to curtain. So to speak. OPHIDIA: All right everybody. Rock and
roll. (They cheer and scatter out of the shop to their initial positions.
OPHIDIA walks down to QUARK's, where the audience is now filling the seats
and spilling out the back. It's a
LWAXANA: It's one of the oldest surviving Terran oral traditions. Some of the responses can be dated at least back to 1974. (MORN nods) Of course, some of them have been updated since ... (WORF is sitting behind them, dressed normally and looking very out of sorts. OPHIDIA runs up the aisle and approaches some vedeks sitting in the front row) OPHIDIA: Your reverences, if you're ready -- (she notices the KAI at the end of the row. With a sick sense of dread) Eminence. I am honored by your presence. WYNN: I would not dream of missing it. This is an important gesture of Federation support for Bajoran religious customs. (Simpering) Besides, I have so looked forward to seeing you perform again. OPHIDIA: (sotto voce) Oh Christ. (Aloud) If it helps promote friendship, this will all be worthwhile. HENAK: I am Vedek Henak, Master of the Revels. You are the director? (She nods) May the Prophets bless your production. OPHIDIA: Thank you. We need it. HENAK: If you are ready, I will give the
invocation. (OPHIDIA nods. HENAK stands and addresses the crowd in Bajoran.
They listen attentively; finally he takes a staff and pounds three times
on the stage floor; he then sits.
OPHIDIA: Michael Rainey was ill the day
the world stood still,
(As she sings, the unit in front of her mouth projects a giant image of her moving red lips onto the screen behind her. The crowd cheers as the credits start showing up superimposed on the image. Cut to the area just outside the closed doors of Quark's where KEIKO, O'BRIEN, DEANNA, ODO, SISKO and DAX are setting up for the wedding scene. SISKO and DAX are doubling as Betty and Ralph and are in traditional wedding garb.) SISKO: (to DAX) You look beautiful. DAX: I hate wearing dresses. (From behind them we hear the audience greeting Keiko's credit) AUDIENCE: SLUT!! SISKO: (carefully) Are you all right, old man? DAX: (defensively) Of course, Benjamin. I'm *fine.* AUDIENCE: ASSHOLE!! (Cut to the upper level of the promenade just outside GARAK's shop; GARAK and BASHIR are getting ready to go) BASHIR: (pleased) You're wearing it. (GARAK smiles and puts a hand on it) GARAK: It's lovely, Julian. It's just what I needed to complete the outfit. Feminine, tasteful, yet with just a hint of bondage. BASHIR: (his eyes shining) You're a fantastic creature, Garak. (Kisses him) I have to go. Break a leg. (Starts walking off) GARAK: What does that *mean,* anyway? BASHIR: I have no idea. (Back to Quark's, where OPHIDIA is finishing up) OPHIDIA: At the late night
(The doors to Quark's spring open, revealing the church and graveyard set up for the wedding scene. The audience turns around to see it. The initial dialogue happens as ALTARIA shepherds the audience through the doors onto the promenade, where they toss rice and wander around getting involved) SISKO: Oh, look -- Betty's going to throw the bouquet! (Everyone looks up at Dax, who is on the church steps about ready to toss. DAX suddenly starts to resemble a deer caught in the headlights and freezes.) ALTARIA: Uh-oh. SISKO: Oh, LOOK! Betty's going to THROW THE BOUQUET!!! (DAX gathers her forces and gives the bouquet a toss; KEIKO plows through some interested audience members to get it. As the scene proceeds, OPHIDIA drops back to Ops to check on things. BARCLAY is there frantically being a technogod. SISKO and DAX run in) SISKO: I thought you said you were all right. DAX: I am. OPHIDIA: Good job, guys, now get changed for your next scene, there's plenty of time. (They take off. OPHIDIA paces) BARCLAY: Look out, that's the monitor. (OPHIDIA moves away from a camera set up near the entrance) ENSIGN TENFLY: (studying a readout) Hmmm. OPHIDIA: What hmmm? TENFLY: Could be nothing. See those blue wavy lines on the readout? (OPHIDIA looks) That could be either electromagnetic sensor interference or-- OPHIDIA: Or -- TENFLY: Or some kind of anomaly. OPHIDIA: Beautiful. That's all this production needs is an anomaly to cope with. Spatial? Temporal? TENFLY: Hard to tell. (She wanders out to watch the show. The cast is in the middle of "Time Warp." ALTARIA is showing the bemused vedeks the moves; WORF is trying to make his way toward DEANNA; LWAXANA and MORN are dancing together; WYNN is hanging back at the fringes looking nonplussed.) COMPANY: Let's do the time warp again! (OPHIDIA looks at them, then looks back at Ops) OPHIDIA: Could -- COMPANY: Let's do the time warp again! OPHIDIA: (shaking her head) Naaaaaaaaaah. (Climbs the steps to the balcony outside Garaks' shop, where GARAK is waiting by the lift in his cape) Nervous? GARAK: I think so. (From below we hear) O'BRIEN: Say, any of you guys know how to Madison? OPHIDIA: You're the best thing on any stage in the Alpha Quadrant, Garak. (He smiles anxiously) GARAK: (as the underscoring starts) Well. This is it. OPHIDIA: You'll be great. Knock 'em dead. (He steps onto the lift.) KEIKO: (whinily) Look, I'm cold and I'm
tired and I'm just plain scared! (Bright lights come up on GARAK, who switches
instantly into queen mode as the lift descends to a roar of recognition
and appreciation from the
OPHIDIA: Everything all right? ALTARIA: More or less. Worf is really starting
to irritate me, but in general they're getting it and going where they
should. (They look up at the stage; GARAK is strutting for all he's worth,
energized by the audience
GARAK: I'm just a sweet transvestite ... (He flings off the cape; the audience screams with delight. We go back to OPHIDIA and ALTARIA) ALTARIA: Check out the Kai. (WYNN is still frowning, but is bouncing involuntarily to the music. At the same time GARAK notices this and moves out to flirt with her) GARAK: (tickling the Kai's chin provocatively
with the boa) From Transsexual ... (HENAK tries not to laugh as the Kai,
flustered, backs away, bumping into other audience memebrs. GARAK backs
up to his original
GARAK: Transylvaniaaaaaaah ... (More enthusiastic screaming from the audience. We dissolve to the end of the number; GARAK disappears onto the upper level while ODO and DEANNA strip KEIKO and O'BRIEN. GARAK runs into the fitting room and studies his makeup in the mirror; he decides he needs a touchup and runs to the vanity. Looking at his face closely, he unscrews a jar and absently dips his fingers into the contents. When he sees his hand in the mirror near his face he realizes that the stuff is white, which he had not expected. He looks at it, sniffs it, then tastes it cautiously. Deciding it isn't makeup after all, he licks the rest of it off his fingers and looks thoughtfully at the mirror, trying to place the taste. Suddenly it comes to him.) GARAK: (with a sense of impending doom.) Oh NO. (Cut to the stage) KIRA: (surly and jealous) You're very lucky to be invited up to Frank's laboratory. (As she, DEANNA and ODO walk the now underwear-clad KEIKO and O'BRIEN forward, we cut to GARAK, who is hurriedly donning the green dress and rubber gloves for the lab scene) GARAK: Garak to Bashir. BASHIR: Bashir here. GARAK: Doctor, exactly *how* did the kamireh get mixed up with my makeup kit? BASHIR: You're joking. GARAK: I wish I were. BASHIR: We should tell Ophidia what's -- GARAK: Tell her what, that for the past six months she's been using the world's most powerful aphrodisiac as a sandwich spread? (OPHIDIA pops her head in) OPHIDIA: Garak, you're on. GARAK: Coming! (He runs grimly out for
the lab scene.)
(With a titanic effort of self control, Garak manages to get through the opening dialogue without betraying that anything is amiss. OPHIDIA watches from the audience, which is spread out along the upper level looking down on the lab floor. The audience is clearly loving Garak's camp delivery, and even the vedeks seem to be smirking a little. The Kai, of course, still looks like she's smelling somethign nasty, and WORF is staring pointedly at Deanna, who is ignoring him.) GARAK: Throw open the switches on the sonic oscillator! (ODO does) Step up the reactor power three more points! (Lights flash, faucets drip, things happen, and slowly BASHIR rises from the tank, wrapped up in his bandages. ODO pulls the cloth off his head) BASHIR: (giving it all he's got) URRRRRRRRRGH! (The audience goes wild. GARAK stares at him, electrified, and his self-control snaps as he puts a little extra excitement into Frankie's squeal of pleasure) GARAK: Oh, Rocky! (BASHIR looks at him, remembers about the kamireh, and immeidately begins fleeing for his life as GARAK takes off after him) BASHIR: (singing) The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head ... (He is hampered initially by his bandages, but since GARAK has them torn off int a matter of moments this is not a long-term problem) And I've got a feeling someone's gonna be cutting the thread... (BASHIR slips out of GARAK's grip and takes off. The audience busts up laughing as BASHIR climbs over, under and around obstacles in a desperate attempt to get away from GARAK, who is pursuing him with obvious intent. Cut to OPHIDIA, shouting into the commlink) OPHIDIA: Garak, you're NOT SUPPOSED TO
CATCH HIM!! Let go of him, NOW!!
(Back to the stage, where GARAK forces himself to release BASHIR, who subsequently charges up the ramp to the upper level wtih GARAK in hot pursuit) BASHIR: Oh, woe is me ...
OPHIDIA: Ophidia to conductor -- Tom, step up the tempo or we're not gonna make it through ... (On the balcony ALTARIA is leading the audience in the chorus as they watch BASHIR go rocketing past) ALTARIA and AUDIENCE: Sha la la la that ain't no crime ... (BASHIR makes a complete circuit, comes back around to the ramp and goes sliding down it on his butt. GARAK follows, taking a swan dive and going down head first on his stomach. GARAK sorts himself out while BASHIR catches his breath, then fixes him with a determined stare, and is off after him as BASHIR hauls ass across the lab floor. They end up on opposite sides of the tank, trying to fake each other out) BASHIR: (wheezing) And I'm at the start of a pretty big downer ... (GARAK finally throws himself across the tank at BASHIR, but doesn't make it all the way over. BASHIR tries running up the ramp again) ODO, DEANNA, KIRA, ALTARIA and AUDIENCE: Sha la la la that ain't no crime... (BASHIR has trouble with balance at the top of the ramp and grabs onto the closest thing to steady himself, which happesn to be WYNN's robe. GARAK tackles him from behind, bringing all three down the ramp to land in a heap at the bottom. BASHIR gets up first, apologizing to the flat-out Kai) BASHIR: Eminence -- I'm so sorry -- (looks
up, sees GARAK gearing up for another sprint, and speeds off. Just as the
Kai stands up she is bowled over by GARAK, who does not stop to apologize.
OPHIDIA decides to just
SISKO: I was just about to contact you. I can't find Dax. (OPHIDIA, cursing, runs into the shop. We go back to the Promenade, where BASHIR, sweating, panting, and clearly exhausted, faces GARAK, who appears to have a grip on himself finally) GARAK: Well, *really.* That's no way to
behave on your first day out! (BASHIR sighs with relief) But since you're
such an *exceptional* beauty... (Back to the shop, where OPHIDIA
has discovered DAX hiding behind a rack
OPHIDIA: Dax, it's almost time for your entrance! DAX Sorry, Phidder. Nope. Uh-uh. (Cut to the stage) GARAK: What do *you* think of him? KEIKO: (snottily) Well ... I like men with a little more ... muscle. GARAK: I didn't make him for you! The Charles Atlas type has no attraction for the *discriminating* lover of beauty. A weakling, weighing 98 pounds ... (Still winded, BASHIR staggers over to the barbells and starts going throught he workout routine) OPHIDIA: What are you talking about? You've been fine in rehearsal -- DAX: Stage fright. Can't do it. Sorry. (Back to the stage, where a weakening BASHIR is doing pushups as GARAK circles him) GARAK: Why do pull-ups
DAX: I thought I was over it ... OPHIDIA: Don't tell me. One of your hosts had a problem with public speaking. DAX: All of them. OPHIDIA: All of them. (Back to the stage. BASHIR is standing in his body-builder pose while GARAK walks around him, lightly caressing his shoulders and arms) GARAK: Who needs dynamic tension?
AUDIENCE MEMBER: Is that a phaser in your briefs or are you just happy to see him? (Laughter. As the hands move closer to the danger zone, GARAK croons lustily) GARAK: Why, in just seven days -- AUDIENCE: AND SEVEN NIGHTS! (Cut to a shot of the audience; aside from the scandalized and disheveled Kai, the mood seems to be one of delighted prurience. Indeed, LWAXANA is shoving people out of the way in an effort to get a better view.) GARAK: I can make you a maaa-a-a-annn ... (Cut back to the dressing room) OPHIDIA: You have to -- DAX: (going fetal) I can't! OPHIDIA: You're telling me you can fight Klingons hand to hand but you're terrified of a crowd of unarmed Terran theatregoers? (DAX nods) All right. Get out of those pants. DAX: (shocked) But Altaria's right outsi -- OPHIDIA: (undressing) Don't flatter yourself. (Cut back to the stage) GARAK: When in just seven days -- AUDIENCE: AND SEVEN NIGHTS! GARAK: I can make you a maaaa-a-a-nn ... BASHIR: (expressively) URRRRRGHH!! (GARAK closes his eyes and does his best to finish the verse) GARAK: (whimpering) When in just seven days -- AUDIENCE: AND SEVEN NIGHTS! GARAK: (in agony) I cammmph -- (BASHIR can stand it no longer and cuts the line off with a kiss. As they go at it, oblivious, the audience cheers them on while ODO, KIRA and DEANNA look at each other trying to figure out what to do. Fortunately the vault door starts to open) AUDIENCE: MEATLOAF'S READY!! (GARAK and BASHIR are still not paying attention, but everyone else looks expectantly at the vault. ODO, KIRA, DEANNA and ALTARIA are somewhat surprised to see OPHIDIA come hurtling through the forcefield on a motorcycle, wearing Dax's leather costume and saxophone, hanging grimly onto the handlebars and trying not to kill anyone) KIRA: Eddie ... ? OPHIDIA: Whatever happened to Saturday night ... (ALTARIA frets as OPHIDIA screeches out of control down the ramp toward BASHIR and GARAK, who finally notice her and dive for cover in opposite directions, the instinct for self-preservation momentarily conquering all others) OPHIDIA: Don't feel the same since cosmic
might
(OPHIDIA manages to get the thing turned around, popping an unintentional wheelie, and tears around the lab table as she starts back for the ramp. The cast scatters in fear as she approaches. When she reaches the ramp, the front wheel sticks at the foot and the bike stops, propelling her face-first onto the ramp.) ALTARIA: Fifi! Are you all right? (OPHIDIA stands and flashes ALTARIA a thumbs-up; she is not convinced and starts running down the ramp, followed by the audience, who think she's leading them. OPHIDIA runs away from them, hops on the pommel horse, and performs the rest of the number in a passable Elvis impersonation) OPHIDIA: We really had a good time ...
(The audience surrounds the pommel horse. OPHIDIA starts doing the sax solo, muttering into the commlink out the side of her mouth) OPHIDIA: Altaria, I'm all right. ALTARIA: I don't believe you. You get into the infirmary right now and have one of the nurses -- OPHIDIA: (taking KIRA"s hand and helping
her onto the horse)
WYNN: Pardon me, child. (Hauls KIRA off and begins dancing with OPHIDIA. KIRA makes jealous noises; the crowd watches, amused. KIRA finally leaps onto the table with a snarl, tears WYNN off OPHIDIA, and tosses her bodily into the audience) OPHIDIA: Boy, *that's* gonna cost you a few Hail Marys. KIRA It was worth it. (OPHIDIA and KIRA boogie together) OPHIDIA, KIRA and AUDIENCE: Hot patootie,
bless my soul--
GARAK: Did you hurt yourself? OPHIDIA: Of course I hurt myself. (OPHIDIA hands him a bucket of red paint, into which he dips his gloves and tools) What on earth got into you? GARAK: Just first night jitters. (Cut to
GARAK reemerging from the vault, apparently bloodied.) One from the vaults.
(The audience laughs. He approaches the frightened BASHIR) Don't be upset.
It was a mercy killing.
Who needs a muscle ma-an?
AUDIENCE: AND SEVEN NIGHTS! GARAK: I can make you a ma-a-a-annn! (He and BASHIR link arms and start for the infirmary, which has a forcefield set up on the entrance turning it into the bridal suite. The band strikes up the Mendelssohn recessional as they move off, followed by the audience) AUDIENCE: ROCKY! ROCKY! RAH RAH RAH!! GARAK: (in a piteous whisper) Help. BASHIR: Bashir to Quark. QUARK: Quark here. BASHIR: There's two strips of latinum in it for you if you stretch your next speech out to five minutes. QUARK: (chortling) Four. BASHIR: Three. QUARK: Done. (They enter the infirmary and the forcefield closes behind them. Cut to QUARK) QUARK: There are those who say that life is an illusion, and that reality is merely a figment of the imagination. OPHIDIA: God, don't I wish. QUARK: If this is so, then Brad and Janet
are quite safe. However, the sudden departure of their host and his ...
creation ... into the seclusion of his somber bridal suite had left them
feeling both apprehensive ... and uneasy. (Pauses) And no wonder. I mean,
*I* certainly would be, if I were wandering around practically naked in
a castle ruled over by a lizard in a dress. (The audience laughs) You wonder
why they couldn't tell right away
OPHIDIA: Quark, this is not amateur night at the improv! QUARK: And really, once you've seen your host bring a reanimant to life, isn't it about time you told him it's been a lovely party, but you have another engagement? OPHIDIA: (murderously) Ophidia to Garak. (Cut to the infirmary, where they are in medias res) Garak, I swear to you I will turn you into a suitcase -- (BASHIR takes off Garak's commlink and tosses it away. Back to QUARK) QUARK: But I always say, there's no limit to hu-man stupidity. These people will fly right into a ship-crushing spatial anomaly just to see what's in there. OPHIDIA: Quark, whatever Bashir and Garak are paying you, I'll double it. QUARK: (changing tack with alacrity) -- a feeling that only increased as they were shown into their separate rooms. (OPHIDIA sighs and ducks back into Garak's shop, where she starts inspecting the damage from her recent faceplant. We dissolve to further on in the show and KEIKO in the middle of the lead-in to "Touch Me") KEIKO: It only leads to trouble ... and
seat-wetting ... (As the music changes, she grabs BASHIR by the collar
and walks him forward)
DEANNA and KIRA: More..more ... more! (Cut to OPHIDIA, talking to SISKO in the fitting room) OPHIDIA: You ready to go? SISKO: Just about. OPHIDIA: (as an afterthought) You have the fishnets on underneath that, right? SISKO: Oh no! I forgot them! OPHIDIA: Where are they? SISKO: Back in my quarters. OPHIDIA: All right, run and get them, you have time. (SISKO speeds off; back on the stage, KEIKO is ripping her slip into strips and tying them to BASHIR's wrists) KEIKO: T-t-t-t-t-touch me, I want to be di-i-rty! (Starts tying his wrists to switches on the wall) KIRA: Toucha toucha toucha touch me ... (cut to WORF, whose jealousy boils over at last. He shouts something in Klingon and starts forward. ALTARIA steps in front of him) ATLARIA: Mr. Worf, if you can't control yourself, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. (WORF tries to push her aside; she brings a knee swiftly forward and he doubles over in silent agony, staggering out.) DAX: (watching from the balcony with OPHIDIA) How'd she do that? OPHIDIA: You've heard of the Vulcan neck pinch? Well, this is the Caledonian groin jab. Equally effective and far more satisfying. (Cut back to the stage, where KEIKO has BASHIR tied up and is running her nails lightly down his chest) KEIKO: I'll oil you up and rub you down ... (Cut to GARAK and O'BRIEN who are waiting backstage in Quark's; GARAK watches this on a monitor) GARAK: You should really come take a look at this, Chief. O'BRIEN: I'm already familiar with the bitch within, thank you. GARAK: You mean she's like this at home?
(O'BRIEN's curiosity gets the better of him and he looks. On the screen,
KEIKO drives BASHIR in front of her into the tank, holding him by the chains
and snapping her lab coat
KEIKO: Toucha toucha toucha touch me ... (Back to O'BRIEN's astounded face) GARAK: Don't answer that question. I'd rather not know. (Cut to SISKO, who is headed toward the door of his quarters, now suited up and ready to go. Just as he gets there, the doors open; he pulls up short as a pair of hands come through the doorway, pointing a gun at him. We're in profile and can't see the person they belong to, who is still outside the door) VOICE: Don't move. (SISKO doesn't.) *end Act IV*
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