Obviously, this song was inspired by the original "Friends In Low Places" by Garth Brooks, a favorite at honky-tonk bars, poolhalls, and hillbilly funerals (yes, I *would* know about it :)

Blame it all on my roots
I had to come through
And ruin your black-tie affair

The last one be told
The last one to show
I was the last one you hoped you'd see there

And I saw the surprise
And the fear in her eyes
When I took my place by your side

You know, I trusted you
And honey, we may be through
But you'll never get me off your mind

'Cause I got friends in low places
Everyone on Cardassia owes me favors
And it's payback day
Yeah, I'll be okay

I hoped I'd be a doctor's wife
But I guess I'll settle for destroying your life
That gift's from me - it's a set of steak knives
Get the hint?
 

Well, I guess I was wrong
We just don't belong
But then, I've been there before

Everything's all right
I'll just say goodnight
And I'll show myself to the door

When I said I don't mean 
To cause a big scene
Darlin', you know that was wrong

Never mind that your friends
Will not speak to you again
But what'll you say to your mom!

'Cause I got friends in low places
Everyone in the Alpha Quad owes me favors
And it's payback day
Think I'll be okay

Hey, I hoped I'd be a doctor's wife
But I guess I'll settle for destroying your life
Oh, I hope you enjoy phaser fire 
 

Thoughts of wedded bliss
Got me really pissed
Made me say things I don't mean

Nah, babe I don't mind
That you pushed me aside
For blonde hair and a 36 D

Don't mind the disgrace
Before I leave this place
Just let me ask you one more thing

Say, what'll you do
When your bride touches you
And you call out whispering my name?

Oh, I got friends in low places
Even Starfleet dimwits owe me favors
Ben Sisko too
He's so out of the loop

Now I can't bring myself to hurt you, my love
Think I'll toss that slut you married out of an airlock
Look at her fly!  And all it took  was one shove.

Should've listened to me, Julian.  
I told you she was apt to fly away at the first opportunity!  
<descends into mad giggling>

And repeat first chorus to fade...